Nanny knows best..............

Is it just me, or is anyone else sick and tired of being lectured about how important it is to live a more healthy and safety conscious life.
Millions of people throughout the years have worked hard during the week and enjoyed a bit of quality time on the weekends. You didn’t feel guilty about meeting with your mates on a Friday night and drinking in excess of three pints of beer.
We regularly stopped off for a Chinese meal or a bag of fish and chips on the way home. Nowadays this makes you nothing more than an anti social binge drinker, probably running the risk of ending up clinically obese into the bargain. I even read the other day that the government are planning a stealth tax on Mars bars and candy floss - it really is getting more ridiculous by the day.
So spare a thought before you iron that shirt and head out of the front door, if the alchohol doesn´t get you - the saturated fat and sodium almost certainly will.
Have fun…
Sb2-has been saved from himself..

I´m just pope-ing out for a bit honey

I was dismayed to watch a bit of the coverage of the visit to the US by the Pope. I have nothing against organised religeon per se, I happen to think its out dated and irrelevant to the modern world and were there to be a less "secty" element to it I think I would like to get involved, but there isnt. So I wont.

The coverage on US TV was just plain over the top. In typical US style it was overdone to the nth degree. There was some guy, a comedian, had a bit of a go at catholics on TV on the eve of some mass in NY, and there was a presenter busting a gut to get this guy fired, trying his level best to drum up some kind of hatred for this guys words saying that freedom of speech is one thing, but to criticise or make fun of catholicism was another. He didnt probably realise it but he resembled those idiot muslim fanatics calling for the death of anyone who wont live in a cave and shun music, leave women to be uneducated and supressed and put gilette out of business. I read later what this comedian had said, and it was quite rude but also quite funny. It will be interesting to see what happens to him because even though the majority of those who emailed the show called for his head or threatened to pull their 15$ a month subscriptions, there were a few who treatened the same if he WAS sacked. I think the FOX presenter should be reprimanded for allowing a very personal issue affect his performance. Not everybody is catholic, not even every American is. In fact only 70 million out of 300 million are!

Then to finally blow my fuse, they asked a preist to comment----- his comment was along the lines of " Well Bob, I was thinking about this on the way in and Jesus said......" I was throwing up inside at this point. A interpreted translation from Hebrew to English made over two thousand years ago and probably altered many times along the way was the best that this guy could come up with. Not a thought of his own, not even a thought of his own based on the influence his faith has on him, but a 2000 year old quotation translated by someone he didnt even know.

I find the institution out dated and the ceremony unnecessary and expensive and in a world with so many problems, naïve to the extreme. Could the old boy not be doing something more constructive with his time than putting an entire countries security on alert just to tell us what we already know about the state the world is in. Ok, a few coppers and TV workers got a bit of overtime which probably came in handy, but it didnt stop 200 Zimbaweians getting a beating at the hands of their government. It didnt stop Bonos starving kids dying everytime he snaps his fingers (he really should stop doing that!) And what the whole excercise costs in silk robes and bullet proof glass alone could have put a decent watering system into most of the Kenyan outback.

I´m not condeming faith, its just the ceremony and bullshit that goes with it, I like helping people, I like to see others helping people, but in this day and age do we need this pomp and ceremony? Plus - is it just me or does this guy look like he´s enjoying being top of the celibates a bit too much - at least the last one LOOKED like he was suffering for his faith.

Tea And Torpedoes

Sitting around the bright yellow table that is by now littered with various cardboard containers, and finding yourself uncomfortably shuffling around in your slippery plastic chair as the schoolgirl in the dungarees sweeps around your feet for the second time in five minutes, you cant help but feel slightly intimidated. I mean at what point exactly did these huge multinational companies decide that we no longer required proper china tableware and padded seating.
Once upon a time these places were simply known as cafés. They quite often had formica interiors and they usually placed useful items on their tables like sugar bowls and HP sauce bottles and best of all the only members staff that ever hovered around the seated areas were cheery middle aged ladies with notepads in their aprons, patiently waiting for you to order a sensible mug of tea and a steamed pie.
Most of these welcoming and cozy businesses were run by Italian families who realized the importance of customer service and good honest, affordable and freshly cooked food. Local workers, like bus drivers and shopkeepers, flocked to these establishments for a slab of home made Shepherds Pie and local pensioners called in most days to enjoy a cup of frothy coffee and have a read of the complimentary newspapers they supplied.
So why did we decide to turn our backs on these cozy British cafés in favour of awful open plan coffee joints and fast food halls of today?

The truth is of course we didn’t have any say in the matter,
Apparently these huge multi million pound companies simply muscled there way into our towns and cities by becoming the highest bidders in property auctions, and of course once greedy town center landlords realized that they could command huge rents for thier shops it wasn’t very long before these increases were introduced across the board, forcing these small institutions into less populated out of town locations, they also set about targeting our image conscious youth with there lavish celebrity advertising campaigns. In fact theres nothing teenagers like better now than sitting around chrome tables and eating their dinner out of a large red bucket. Whatever made these places think that they could replace serving freshly prepared sandwiches and rolls containing familiar ingredients like ham and chicken with shrink wrapped baguettes, and whole meal torpedo rolls filled with water cress and lemon juice? Just because the younger generation have been brainwashed into drinking their tea out of a polystyrene cup with a plastic lid on top and expect to pay extra for tomato sauce sachet its no excuse for us older folk to accept it.
These places are not only over priced but they are also uncomfortably over illuminated as well, not even rock bands like Genesis & U2 feel the need for these levels of lighting at their stadium concerts in the mid 1980s.

And old age pensioners have now been exiled to remote and windy park benches where they sip tea from a thermos flask and struggle to keep a firm grip on there daily mail. Once cozy retreats have become as outdated and unfashionable as the jukeboxes that once took pride of place in their alcoves.
So should we all just accept this situation, and pull up a shiny chair at our local food hall
Somehow I think not.


SoapBoxTwo, . still trying to find the salt….

Mirror Signal Manipulate

With the price of petrol in Britain now being over a £1 a liter and the combined price of yearly road tax and insurance not far short of £600 and of course the annual MOT test to finance as well, this is shaping up to be the most expensive 12 months of my 29 year motoring history. Its not just me, of course. Millions are now finding themselves in the same situation and a fair few of them like myself are beginning to question exactly how much longer they are going to be able afford to keep a motor vehicle on the driveway at all. My first car back in 1979 was six years old and cost me the grand sum of £60. Add to that an MOT that cost me £10 (including a set of wiper blades and a sealed beam unit) then three months road tax that came in at £17. That turned me into a fully fledged, legal motorist for less than £90. Admittedly that was almost a fortnights wages for me back then, but I very much doubt you could achieve all that with your average two weeks wages today unless you happen to be Elton John. Although my Austin 1300 was nowhere near as fuel efficient as its modern day equivalent, a whole gallon of petrol only set you back 65p so it wasn’t really an issue and as an extra bonus if you bought four gallons at once the service station normally gave you a free wine glass as well.

Motoring was fun back then and people loved it. We had no speed cameras or carbon footprints to worry about and there were loads of proper transport cafés around that fried proper chips and served a decent pot of tea. Sadly during that first year my car developed a slight suspension problem that eventually resulted in the front wheel falling completely off one Saturday morning. It quickly became obvious that a repair wasn’t an option so a decision was made to tow it off to the local scrap yard. Luckily a good friend of mine worked there at that time so after about 10 minutes or so and 40 quid lighter, I found myself driving back out of the same yard in an even newer Austin 1100 and as part of the deal I was even allowed to return the following day to swap the front seats and steering wheel from my old car. If that’s not a match for modern day recycling schemes then I don’t know what is.

That golden age of motoring has now come to an end of course. Both the environmental and financial issues are literally increasing by the day. The modern message to drivers is that you either make the effort to squeeze five workmates into your car or you leave it at home altogether and catch a bus or train. The problem I have is I work on my own like thousands of other people and there is no mode of public transport that can either get me in to work in the evenings or home in the mornings. If these lunatics think for one minute that lard arsed fortysomethings like me who have been driving to work for almost thirty years are suddenly going to jump on a mountain bike and cycle for twenty miles they have another think coming I´m afraid. Its time these various groups realized that no amount of extortionate taxes are going solve this issue. The bottom line is that my local privatized public transport services are never going to cater for the likes of me. They are run purely for profit not people who start work at 06.00hrs. As things stand we have little option but to pay every penny they squeeze out of us motorists. They know only too well that millions of folk like me still have to drive to work every day. It makes my blood boil that what used to be such a pleasurable experience has been turned on its head to become nothing more than an expensive irritant.

Does anyone agree?

Or am I over reacting

So its over to you then……

SoapBoxTwo, being driven around the bend…

MY TWO CENTS..........by SB1

OOOOHHHH.....its a tough one again, and this time

I´m a bit on the fence. I happen to believe there are too many cars on the roads of our world and being the owner of two of them makes me a bit of a hypocrite in this sense, but I walk and use public transport as much as I can to the point that I have not used my 2nd car at all so far this month yet and don´t see me having to at all. In fact I have put the equivalent of a tenner in gas in it three times this year according to my receipts. I can see SB2´s point of course, he isn´t in a unique situation either. Public transport rarely functions efficiently unless it´s city based. You can understand them not putting a bus on at ten minute intervals through the Cleveland Hills for example, but I´m sure they could customise a town bus service to cater for SB2´s predicament. Anyone up for a mini-bus club? Could be a good idea – it would certainly help cut down on emissions, may lead to more people abandoning their cars and make the roads less congested and follows that SB2 could tootle down country lanes in a Morris Marina Convertable with his picnic packed, waving a cheery hello to the Famous Five while his big ends clatter the fillings from his teeth. Who knows, he could make the radial and cross-ply mix fashionable again........

Seaside Showdown

Whether it was in the form of a weekend day trip or your annual family holiday destination, millions of people have sampled the simple delights a British seaside resort had to offer.

Up until the late seventies people still flocked to the coast, and a short break in one of the local hotels or B&Bs was still a regular thing for many. So for somebody that walked these crowded promenades around thirty years ago its never going to be easy to accept the fact that lots of these places have now become some of the least visited and most undesirable areas of the UK.

For years we have had the same old excuses from local authorities that really should know better. The popular one is that one summer we all selfishly decided to jump on a plane and fly to Benidorm for our holidays and because it was sunny and beer was cheap we never went to Clacton ever again.

I don’t know how they ever got away with that one as a quick check of the facts actually reveals the exact opposite. Back then more people decided to stay in Britain for there holidays than go abroad and that’s a statistic that still stands today.

Theres still plenty of older folk that prefer not to stand for hours in crowded airport check in lines and a lot of them were in a war at one point and don’t take too kindly to the staff asking them to remove their sandals and have their Trilby electronically scanned.

Air travel is no more of an excuse for abandoning the beaches than the weather is, the climate in Britain has always been rubbish and people still turned up in their thousands for seaside holidays.

The simple truth is that all the money made from these areas wasn’t re-invested and people get a bit sick of paddling amongst turds and walking miles to find an open public toilet and so they said “bollocks to it”.

My childhood seaside town was Whitley bay on the north east coast. It was only when I returned there a couple of years ago I appreciated the way these places had been left to expire.

Because its not as popular as it once was should not be used as an excuse for failing to sweep the streets and cut the grass. I´m sorry, but a council that closes the fairground and then builds a school on the site is not seriously committed to tourism in my opinion.

We need huge investment in these areas now but they shouldn’t have been left to fall into such a state in the first place.

Take a short journey beyond Whitley bay and check out South Shields. Same coastline, same shite weather, but they still have immaculate gardens clean streets and their own fairground, and despite the aeroplanes flying overhead, this place was still busy on a cloudy weekday afternoon, its exactly as I remember it back in 1976. Contrast that with the cider drinking hoodies sat on the Vauxhall Corsa bonnet a bit further along the coast and its obviously a tale of two contrasting local authorities. Its high time these places were spruced up and never again subjected to this kind of neglect. The weather is improving and the beaches are winning awards. Make them pleasant to visit again and we will come back to them in droves as our families did for a couple of hundred years.

SoapBoxTwo…..All At Sea…

MY TWO CENTS........by SB1

Well my friend, hitting the nail firmly on the head once again. There are areas of Britain that have no pride left. The thing that saddens me is that we could do better in many areas. Britain is a rich country – at least the revenue from our taxes say we should be – its a tough one to know where to start with this. Do we tackle the gangs of kids on the Corsa bonnets first – give them work, actually pay them to do what needs doing. Give them a sense of purpose and pride in their town, thus releasing the burden on the police, and the constant cost of cleaning up after their cider fueled graffiti parties. Or do we spend on the cleanup and rejuvenation of these areas and hope the kids get bored of insulting everyone that walks by. Its not a difficult choice is it. We all have a vote and we have to use it wisely, so if you live in these areas, and you actually care about living in a dump and want to do something about it – tell your politicians that you will vote based on their actions. Do nothing about it - NO VOTE. I think you will find there might be one or two honest ones that also don´t like living in a dump.

The Reality of Variety

I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of Television company's expecting me to be entertained by members of the general public. There is no situation they will not place them in for our viewing “pleasure”. They stick em all together in a flat, send them to remote Scottish islands, and if that wasn’t bad enough they even get them involved with wife swapping, although I must admit that one sounded quite promising when I first heard the title - until I watched it of course.

Most of us old gits remember the way Saturday night telly used to be. People like The Two Ronnies, Morcambe and Wise, even Val Doonigan for goodness sake, at least his show was worth watching because at the end of the day these people were professional entertainers. So although a mortuary attendant from Crewe covering a Whitney Houston track is probably a much cheaper option than hiring a proper singer on a Saturday night where is the entertainment value in that you might think?
Well, this all becomes crystal clear when the 17 year old proceeds to get systematically torn apart by the expert panel of judges. Lead of course by smug arsed Simon Cowell you have already worked out the fact that she doesn't possess the X-factor, when for no apparent reason she decided to change key half way through the first verse. If truth be known she is already fully aware of the fact that she has made a total fool of herself so do we really need Cowell and his Muppet's to hammer it home any further?
This show is nothing more than choreographed karaoke in my opinion, with a very unsavoury twist added to the mix. Anybody with any real talent of course should have the sense to avoid this fiasco of a programme - like the plague.

Back in the seventies Hughie Green did this sort of thing properly. He showcased a host of proper stars that went on to become household names in their own right and he didn’t feel the need to humiliate anyone in the process either. Not even if you re talking poodle decided to take a dump half way through the routine.

So I say enough of this Joe Public bollocks.
Viewers are fed up now, and the falling ratings prove it.
Stick yer hand in yer pockets and re-employ some proper entertainers. Bring back a bit of “variety” on a Saturday night…………….
SoapBoxTwo….in need of a bit of light entertainment please.


MY TWO CENTS............by SB1

Once again I completely agree and luckily for me being an ex-pat I don´t get this twaddle thrown at me from every camera angle till some poor buggers been humiliated into millionaire-dome. They´ll only take it off air when people stop watching it and with so many TV hours to fill on so many channels, its gonna be with us for quite a time albeit in the form of re-runs or"classic-cuts" as they cunningly disguise them. What gets my goat is that they give everybody the idea that they can do it so there´s barely a night goes by when you don´t hear My Way belting out of a pub window a semitone sharper than the backing track and entire bands walking the streets, or even cleaning them cos there´s no work for Live Musicians anymore cos the guy who used to do the mobile discos at weddings (don´t worry its stored up for later!) has expanded and now plies his trade with a laptop plugged into a portable telly.

Astronomical sums for arseholes......

Ok, I promised a rant on Astronomers and here it is - they are as fake as Pamela Andersons bra contents. Theres not a shred of evidence to back up any of their wild claims, not a shred of science to help us believe that when the cusp of uranus is within spitting distance of Ursula Andress that all Leo´s will win the lottery. One of the highest paid members of a newspapers staff, these cheating bastards will have us beleive that the position of the stars have an effect on our lives as mortal humans and they prey on the stupid and dumb with their "celestial help-lines" at ten bob a minute or more.




Has anybody got the balls to have this idiotic profession outlawed! Its total and utter bunce in every respect and followers and practitioners alike need certifying. Studies have shown that astrologers trying to acertain a persons personality do no better than chance. They often have conflicting readings for the same chart and even the fact that bloody fairground fortune tellers exist at all is beyond me. Can you imagine taking career or relationship advice from someone randomly in the street? No. So why bother if that person is wearing a headscarf, a bag of pegs and asks you to cross their palms with silver. Give me a break. Now, a challenge..... I dare you to google your stars and try to find any two that say the same about the same time. Its complete bunkum - like candles in a house with electricity - and 80% of the contents of any Glastonbury bookshop. Get a life and a wash you petulli oiled time wasters. My opinion - Astrology, aura readings, anything which involves crystals and chanting, sitting in a circle on the floor and hemp - BIN THE LOT or do something good for humanity with your special powers like feeding the poor starving buggers around the world. Show me it works and I´ll convert - until then.....sod off.

Retail Therapy

Much fuss is being made by high street retailers losing customers
to the internet.

Although I do purchase stuff on-line myself I do appreciate the advantages of buying stuff locally. Its nice to be able to return items that don’t work immediately instead of waiting days for them to be collected and more than once I have ended up paying the return postage myself (always check the small print).

Also, if it’s a gift, it´s nice to take it home and deliver it the same day. Right, so there I was, in Comet the other day doing just that. Buying a portable CD player for my friends sons birthday.

All of their display units have been heavily vandalised and are glued and electrically connected to the shelf. You´ve gotta hand it to them for presentation! Gone are the days when spotty kids in braces asked if they could help. You have got to hunt them down now. I pointed out a mid-priced branded CD player and off he went to fetch it. After 10 minutes he handed it to me in one of those plastic box things - and off he goes. He refused to let me handle it - or more importantly - actually listen to it. All he said was that its good and if it doesn´t work to bring it back……What? I can´t believe that a shop that sells audio equipment wont let you try it or even hold the thing until its paid for.

It’s a good job Comet don’t sell shoes isn’t it…………?

In my opinion retailers with this attitude deserve to lose business to the internet.
How much effort is involved in removing a CD player from its package and putting a disc in to demonstrate its worth?

And no, I didn’t buy it.

SoapBoxTwo has left the building.....without a CD Player

My Two Cents...........by SB1

Again fair points – customer service and care is a biggie for me and I have a mega rant planned – coming to this Blog soon.

Saturday night at the multiplex..

Growing up in the late 60s – early70s, one of the major highlights of the week was the weekend trip to the local cinema. Ours like most of them around the country had a kids club on Saturday mornings.

It was one big adventure from start to finish. Firstly your parents allowed you to walk there - unsupervised - with your mates and secondly you were never sure until you got there what two films you were actually going to see. The management never disclosed it until that very morning - they understood that kids loved the suspense and it all became part of the attraction.

Town center cinemas were impressive, ornate showpieces, with their art-deco design and stained glass domes with neon lit canopies and signage. Ours was no exception.

Once inside, the huge dimly lit arenas had a unique atmosphere all of their own.

By the late seventies, however, it had all gone badly wrong. Those once beautiful buildings were now in a severe state of dis-repair. In fact my girlfriend at that time much preferred to sit in the park with me on a Saturday night and share a bottle of strongbow than visit our local Odeon which was completely boarded up one day in 1980.

Things were set to change, of course. Along with the trendy eighties retail parks came the all new air conditioned American style multiplex …..

Built about ten miles away from your original town center cinema these super new 10 screen places were a totally different ball game. Huge glass and chrome entrance areas leading to a massive retail type foyer more like an indoor market than a route to see a movie. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally decided to venture into one.

Ok, so I had a comfortable reclining chair, and the fiber optic, color-changing illuminated stairwell kept me amused for a while but it didn’t make up for the low ceiling height and general uneasy, cramped atmosphere of the place. I´m sorry, but these places are faceless monstrosities and pocket money prices no longer apply either. I quickly decided against the popcorn, nothing short or extortion to be honest.

Cinema operators should never have been allowed to let those beautiful town center art-deco buildings fall into dis-repair and simply abandon them.

As if that weren’t bad enough apparently they completely stripped the interiors out of many of them under the banner of “health and safety”-(nothing to do with possible competition for their multiplexes of course)

Lets be honest, even if these so called “cinemas” were within walking distance for todays kids, how many parents could afford to send them every Saturday now?

So its over to you then…………….

Is ten screens, ten miles away an acceptable state of affairs?

Or should funds be made available to restore local town center cinemas?

Its all about the affordable and accessible local option in my opinion.

Lets put an end to this “out of town” mentality once and for all.

SoapBoxTwo Over and Out...................

My Two Cents...........by SB1

Fair points made by SB2. With home cinema now so popular you´d think going from one small room to watch a movie to another, further away and much more expensive would not have the appeal of a night in a lovely old building with a huge screen and tonnes of height for the sound to reverberate around. There was defiantly something magical about it, a magic that already has been lost on a couple of generations. What a shame! I suppose a cup of Kiora is also a thing of the past as well.

The Daily Scare

A quick rant just to get things moving. I spotted in yesterdays Daily Express a center page spread that read along the lines of."HOW TO LIVE A STRESS FREE LIFE" and gave instructions on how to do so. The bullet points were - Smile, Have a hug, Rely on other people, and other such twaddle obviously written by a childless numpty with nothing more to worry about in their life than which colour socks to wear in the morning. I would like to start a campaign to rid the world of all such so-called self help councilors, writers and like minded leeches hanging on the bottom rung of the literary ladder whos unhelpful insights into what is best for us and "how to live our lives" drive my blood pressure up and do nothing to decrease my personal stress leves at all. In fact they have a totally opposite effect on most people who, thanks to these scare mongering, shit brained pointless articles are so paranoid about what passes through thier bodies or worried that their sofa might be better pointing towards the wall to increase the chances of conceiving a girl or that the only way to get rid of acne is to re-decorate the bathroom, avoiding avocado sinks at all costs and the only way you should have sex is by buying out Asdas candle collection and investing in a pan-pipe CD - well, its all just crap isn´t it. I mean, come on -candles in the bathroom without a power cut is just plain stupid - its bad enough that every bottle smells of a different thing, without adding Serbian Thistle and Bramble scented candles to the mix. Wise up people.............next up..........Astrologers and why they should all be incinerated along with the shite they write . See you soon. SB1